Thursday, May 2, 2013

Sigh. Christians are sooo angry these days. As you can see from the cartoon above, it seems their little religious role model Tim Tebow was treated really badly by the media, who are currently turning somersaults over Jason Collins.

Now, I'm not sure the first part of that sentence is correct. After Tebow announced that he was Christian, there were a few obscure but respectful references to it in the press.

Madonna would kill to be treated that badly.

Why do the whiners say the sports stars were treated differently? U. S. News and World Report has a theory:

Tebow, you see, is a Christian – and is fairly open about.

Fairly open. FAIRLY open. Tim Tebow? Uh, perhaps they missed the part where he dropped to his knees to praise Jesus every time he found a Krispy Kreme with the "HOT DONUTS" light on. Maybe they didn't notice that he swings incense around his head every time he finds a parking space at the mall.

This "fairly open" Christian also wrote Bible quotes on his face before games. I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sure I can't show up for work with Jacquelline Suzanne quotes scrawled on my face. You can't really say the two dudes are similar until Jason Collins runs out onto a basketball court with "IT'S RAININ' MEN!" written under his eyes.

Tim Tebow also fell to his knees to praise God every time he made a touchdown. Collins? I'm pretty sure after he makes a basket he doesn't run off-court and mime that he's buttfucking somebody. I'll bet I can find five hundred tweets from Tebow mentioning God while Collins has remained mum about Kathy Griffin. Clearly the cartoon is missing the third panel, where Tim Tebow grinds the reporter's face in the dirt while screaming, "I'M CHRISTIAN!!! HEAR THAT, GODLESS HEATHEN? CHRISTIAN!!!"

Besides, Tebow was hardly the first Christian in football:

It's not like his disclosure was a big shock to the fans. Jason Collins, on the other hand, took a bit more of a risk coming out. I mean, I spent twenty minutes on Google and I couldn't find one afro-wigged fan holding a sign that said, "Make a touchdown, girlfriend, and then let's go buy us some shoes!"

As for that "Tell me more, you big hero!!!" side of the cartoon, well, I think it got drowned out by ESPN The Magazine senior writer Chris Broussard's friendly aside to Collins on national TV saying gay people can't be Christians and that their "lifestyle" is "an open rebellion to God."

In the end, though, I think the media will be fair. Everybody loved Tebow -- but he just wouldn't shut up. I'm pretty sure they'll feel the same way about Jason Collins the eight-hundredth time he mentions Anderson Cooper, our Lord.

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