Who's the Douchier Hanks Offspring?

Sigh. Tom Hanks sounds like a pretty cool guy. He's politically correct, he supports lots of charities, he makes quality productions, and he's ecologically aware. Sadly, he's got a couple apples that fell quite some distance from the tree. Who's the douchier of his sons -- Colin (actor from "That Thing You Do"), or Chester (aka rich white rapper Chet Haze)? Let's take a thorough look.

	Colin	Chet
Any big breaks from dad's friends	Appeared in "Band of Brothers," executive-produced by Steven Spielberg and dad.	Appeared in "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull," directed by Spielberg.
His famous relative noted on IMDB?	Nope.	Their top trivia item: "Nephew of Jim Hanks."
Weird moniker?	Not if your dad's name is Cecil.	No, it's pretty straightforward. It's "H to the E, and in between an aze."
Charity dealings?	Selflessly raised $90,000 to make a documentary about Tower Records.	Once tweeted, "No One Ever Got Anything In This Life By Waiting Around For Handouts."
A man of mystery?	A college graduate and friend of Jack Black.	Pensively asked, "Why arent there ... many tv shows about great artists, philosophy, legendary acts of history, spirituality?" but also pondered, "Sometimes I eat filet mignon. Other times I eat a big Mac. But u know what.... Either way I'm eatin."
Credibility problems?	Went to a college that's 2% black.	A theater major at Northwestern University, he went on to appear in a movie based on the Bratz dolls.
Loves women?	Married in 2010.	Once declared, "I'm straight lmao ok ThankYou,” and frequently tweets shirtless photos addressed to the "ladies."
Sports fan?	Loves the San Francisco Giants, Sacramento Kings, and San Jose Sharks.	Raps that his “balls served more than Serena playing tennis.”
Scandals?	Will appear as himself on "Happy Endings."	Allegedly called a hater a "faggot," probably on an iPhone purchased by dad's salary from "Bosom Buddies."
Musical talent?	Once played in a band called "Pontius Pilot" while claiming he didn't understand the name.	No.

We know, we know: it's not even close. The winner is CHET HAZE! Meanwhile, this one is strictly for the ladies.