Everybody realized Republicans were flat-out stupid when they put a house plant in the White House. But you'd think they'd have learned from their mistake. They'd have watched their man start a war and decimate the economy, then thought to themselves, "Hey, maybe I should stay out of politics for a while."

Because, you know, if you convinced all your friends to send their money to Bernie Madoff, maybe you shouldn't call them and say Peruvian pig futures are where it's at today.

But no: the right wing is at it again. They're all screaming en masse that Obama is a thoughtless, egotistical communist who must be stopped before he totally destroys our nation. Their evidence? For the first time in five months, he went on a date with his wife.

"How on earth can a man thoughtlessly spent $40,000 in taxpayer money when half of Detroit is unemployed?" they cry. "It's worse than doing nothing! He's fiddling while America burns!"

Of course, after our previous dealings with these idiots, we know their hysteria has nothing to do with reality. See, Obama's date didn't cost $40,000: his security did. And Obama didn't exactly drag these dudes along because they look hunky in pin-striped suits.

No, Republicans are demanding the man turn Amish because Americans are poor these days, demanding Obama do things they wouldn't do themselves. Say he's driving through D. C. when he suddenly realizes he has to go to the bathroom. This means the whole presidential motorcade has to circle the neighborhood until somebody spots a Starbucks. The Secret Service has to run in and get all the customers out, then safely shuttle Obama from the limo to the bathroom. I'm thinking this'll take twenty or thirty minutes easily, and would probably cost a couple thousand bucks. Call me crazy, but I'll happily pay my $.0000000001 share so the dude doesn't have to ride home with his legs crossed. Yet somehow I know there are Republicans out there who'd read about it in the newspaper and explode like an overheated teapot. "TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS?" they'll shriek. "To go to the BATHROOM? Why doesn't that commie carry a bucket in the car?"

Besides, there's a bigger picture that these critics are missing. That $40,000 date resulted in $93,000 worth of increased Broadway ticket sales just in the next week alone. More people went to Broadway shows because Obama went to one. More people went to restaurants because Obama went to one. That $40,000 he spent probably brought quadruple that amount into New York. If Bush had been smart enough to do that, what's left of the Republican party wouldn't be holed up in a D. C. Howard Johnson's right now, getting Ann Coulter hammered on dollar PBRs.

Plus, you know, times have changed since these guys had dates. You can't just take a girl to the malt shop. You can't just hold hands in the gazebo at the park. Here in New York we've got $100 hamburgers and $1,000 cocktails. $40,000 isn't completely unreasonable for a date.

Especially if you know it's going to get you laid.