Friday, June 20, 2008

Twentieth-century technology is absolutely amazing. If I had to live at any time in human existence, I'd pick now, because we've almost done away with disabilities. For the hearing impaired, for example, we have virtually undetectable hearing aids, and closed-captioning on most TV shows.

Sometimes my neighborhood is so loud I put on the closed-captioning just so I don't miss a word. It's fantastic! I don't know how these intrepid typists keep up with hosts talking at breakneck speed. If you've never tried it, here's a snippet of what the hearing-impaired read on cable's ShopNBC channel last Wednesday night.


BONUS PAW ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

HOST>> TELLER NEW VIEWERS TO BUY YOUR SHOPPING HISTORY EN IS LAYERED. IN IF I HAVE AN OTTOMAN AND A SKINNY LITTLE WORN DOWN AND COVER WITH FABRIC. AND I PUT A BOOK ON TOP OF THAT AND THEN THROW BOX AND HAVE SOME SHOPNBC AND THEN LET LEARS AND THERE'S THIS DRAMA PEOPLE TO MY HOME AND HOPE STEEL MANHOLE AND WILL RISE SO GORGEOUS FOR

THIS TEST OF WHETHER THIS IS A BLUE SKY TURNED ORANGE SUNSET THINK ABOUT IS AN ANIMAL IS A NATURAL THE CONDITION LISTED CREAMY SAND COLOR IS A KILLER? THE COLOSSUS THAT IS BUT THAT BROWN. HIS HEAVY AND YOU CAN HAVE IT. IT IS SO FUN AND IT'S ABSOLUTELY THE HAVE REACHED ABSOLUTE TOP OF THE LINE BEST OF THE BEST IF YOU'RE ON IF YOU WANT RICH AND ROYAL AND OVER THE TOP DESIGNS FOR YOUR HOME, LISA ROBERTS IS DONE TO HELP THE DUET

YOU HAVE TO SPEND A FORTUNE IF YOU ADD THIS TO A CHAIR OR TABLE OR A SOFA AND YOUR HOME, LOS EN AND KEY PLAYER IN ON TOP OF THAT HOLE BUT IT LAMP? HOW ABOUT A COLLECTION OF CLOTHES OVER ON YOUR SOW FOR YOUR CHAIR. AND IN CHANGING OUT AND BEGIN ADDING LAYERS YOU NEVER BE FINISHED.

IN AND STAKED THEM ON THE FIREPLACE. AND WE GET TO YOUR OWN LITTLE COMFORT HER THAT THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX TO MICHOU FROM ON THE CRIB WITH A METAL PROPELLER ARE YOU KIDDING? YOU THINK YOU COULD HAVE GONE AND A PRINCE FERGUSON THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX AND CONNECT IT IS AMAZING


Truly, it is amazing. And I applaud ShopNBC for providing this vital service to a large portion of the American population.

Now, tell me what they were selling.

a. An oversized designer handbag
b. A floor-length car coat
c. A decorative throw
d. A Tiffany-style lamp
e. A faux-fur ottoman with hidden storage drawers
f. A kicky knit sweater, available in sizes up to XXXL















Answer: c. A decorative throw. Like the woman said, Prince Ferguson metal propeller are you kidding me?

1 comment:

Yet Another Steve said...

HOW ABOUT A COLLECTION OF CLOTHES OVER ON YOUR SOW FOR YOUR CHAIR.

What a great home decorating tip! That sow just lies around and eats and snorts; it never occurred to me that it could be of some use. Since reading this I've gotten all my winter clothes back out and piled them on her, and she actually is very comfy, if you don't mind a chair that farts and grunts.

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