Wednesday, June 11, 2008

SWF, 5' 7", 60 pounds

Maybe I'm sensitive, since I could stand to lose a few hundred pounds, but it seems like nearly every advertisement I see is for weight loss. Maybe these companies mean well, but I get the idea they're all just trying to make scads of money preying on our insecurities. I decided to investigate.

In the Sunday paper I saw an Ultra Slim-Fast promotion called "Picture Yourself Slimmer": you send four dollars, your full-length photo, your height, weight and the weight you'd like to be, and they'll computer-generate a photo of you at that desired weight. I sent in four bucks with the following letter:


I'm a model and I rely on Slim-Fast to keep my weight down. Though I'm pretty slim now, I'd like to see what I'd look like if I took off a few more pounds. But I don't want to get too slim!

So, here's a copy of a photo of me. Please let me see what I would look like 40 pounds thinner."

Oh, and I told them I was 5' 7", 100 pounds, and sent them a photo of Kate Moss I'd clipped out of People magazine.

When I was just about convinced they'd tossed out my application in horror I got my reply.

"Dear Consumer:

Ultra Slim-Fast would like to take this opportunity to thank you for your participation in our 'Picture Yourself Slimmer' Promotion.

America is finally getting the message: fat is out! We truly believe that diet and exercise are the keys to better living. Ultra Slim-Fast, one of America's favorite ways to lose weight, is proud to lead the way for consumers to take off the pounds without going hungry. As a result, you feel better, and you look terrific. We know it -- because consumers share with us their Ultra Slim-Fast success stories.

We hope your 'picture' proves to be a motivation for you to lose weight, and stay slim.

Please use the attached cents-off coupons, with our compliments, to enjoy great savings on delicious, nutritious Ultra Slim-Fast.

Slim-Fast Foods Company"

The computer-generated photo? Well, see for yourself. I think Kate still looks a bit heavy for a woman weighing 60 pounds. It's a shame -- she has such a cute face.

1 comment:

R J Keefe said...

Our star reporter!

Oops: investigative journalist.