Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Really Useful French for Tourists

Last year I took a long vacation in Paris and though I'd brought a phrase book I had a terrible time making myself understood. If you're planning a trip to France, forget that useless "Where is the library?" crap and memorize these useful phrases instead.

D'accord, je s'excuse pour George W. Bush, je s'excuse pour Cheetos, je s'excuse pour "Agence Tous Risques." MAINTENANT puis j'achete une carte postale?

OK, I apologize for George W. Bush, I apologize for Cheetos, I apologize for "The A-Team." NOW can I buy a postcard?

C'est une toilette interessante! Nos Amerique rarement avons occasion diriger notre crotte.

What an interesting toilet! We Americans rarely get the chance to aim our poop.

Eh bien, je ne suis pas convaincu ma chambre sera calme, même lorsque les poulets aller dormir.

Well, I don't think my room will be quiet even when the chickens go to sleep.

D'accord, avez vous quelque plats vegetarien que NE CONTENIR PAS jambon?

Um, do you have any vegetarian dishes that DON'T have ham in them?

Je suis triste, monsieur gendarme -- je ne ressente pas confort parce-que je sais que l'homme qui cambriole dans ma coche est probablement jeune et chic.

I'm sorry, officer -- I don't feel comforted knowing the man who broke into my car was probably young and stylish.

Pourriez-vous me chercher un croissant c'est un peu plus loin de votre chien cul?

Could you get me a croissant that's a little farther from your dog's ass?

En Amérique nous attendre jusqu'à ce que les enfants peuvent tenir les cigarettes
eux-mêmes.


In America we wait until the kids can hold the cigarettes themselves.

Vraiment! Il fonctionne même si vous SAUTEZ un jour.

Really! It works even if you SKIP a day!

C'est tres delicieux! Je ne sais pas que les vaches avons cette partie.

It's so tasty! I didn't even know cows had this part!

Que voulez-vous dire, cela ne fait pas partie d'une vache?

What do you mean, this isn't part of a cow?

Reellement, je fais reglement ne mange pas cheval avant . . . qu'est l'heure?

Actually, I make it a rule never to eat horse before . . . what time is it now?

Alors, si nous faisons une echelle pour "gauche," je probablement dirais "porter tennis blanc" un peu dessus "aider les Nazis dans Monde Guerre Deux."

Well, if we're making a "gauche" scale, I'd probably put "wearing white tennis shoes" below "helping the Nazis in World War II."

5 comments:

Y | O | Y said...

You are cracking me up!

David said...

That's odd, my Berlitz book had ALL those phrases.

Steven said...

Did you use Google translation for this? These are pretty bad (in so many ways - LOL).

RomanHans said...

Yup, thank Google translations for this. Evidently there are a few bugs. It translates its French for the last item as:

"Well, if we make a 'left' ladder, I probably put 'port white tennis shoes' below 'helping the Nazis during the Second World War.'"

Anonymous said...

"a few bugs"? Most of it is unintelligible. :D

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