New York on a budget

When I first moved to New York I was sure I'd made a horrible mistake. Everything was ridiculously expensive. Haircuts cost more than my rent, martinis cost more than my clothes and dinner out cost more than my education. The more I looked around the more obvious it became: I could only stay within my budget if I didn't do very much, but I didn't exactly move to New York to stay home.

Flipping through the Village Voice in despair I discovered a page of coupons for various restaurants and bars. "Twenty percent off all drinks up to twenty dollars," one said. "Thirty percent off everything up to one hundred dollars," another said. By the time I read the third I was veritably twitching with delight: "Half off your bill up to five hundred dollars," it announced. This was the solution, I realized, cutting them out with shaking fingers They wouldn't make any of these establishments particularly cheap, but they weren't impossible. If I watched my funds the rest of the month I could occasionally venture out to somewhere cool.

A friend here helped me find my apartment, so I owed him a favor. I invited him to dinner, and took a coupon along. "Half off your bill up to five hundred dollars," it read. This restaurant wasn't cheap -- $20 for an entree, $10 for dessert -- but at fifty percent I could almost swing it. We ate and drank and laughed all night, and when the bill came I tried to hold my smile. $300 it read, instantly shattering my happy, boozy haze. I scrolled down the endless list of numbers in disbelief: they'd charged for everything. Twelve bucks for water, eight for breadsticks, six for salad dressing. I'd have to live on Wendy's for the next couple weeks to be able to pay my rent, but I tried to look at the bright side: thanks to my coupon I'd proven that it was possible for a naive little cowpoke from Los Angeles to occasionally mingle with all the fashionable folks of New York.

I handed my credit card and the coupon to the waitress, who peered at it blankly. "Half off the bill up to five hundred dollars," I said helpfully.

She glanced at it for a second, then thrust it back at me. "You ain't up to five hundred dollars yet," she snarled.