Monday, July 1, 2013

Thoughts on Yesterday's Gay Pride Parade

I know it's not politically correct, but I have to say something about the Gay Pride Parade yesterday in Manhattan. At the risk of sounding out of touch, I just don't get it. I watched all eight hours of this auspicious event, and I didn't see a single example of true gay pride. What I saw was just an endless parade of indecency!

"Oh, Roman," you say, "you should be happy that all those people turned out to support the gay community." Support? You call that support? Because if you think these people are helping our cause, you're mistaken.

Picture this: A conservative Christian stumbles upon the parade, perhaps not hearing the endless media warnings that eight million half-naked homosexuals are going to shut down Fifth Avenue. They won't see that they're just like us: all they'll see is wigs and feathers and tutus and bare flesh. They'd look at these people and say, "What the hell is that?" just like if they'd seen a Kracken, or a kangaroo. They probably wouldn't touch us with a ten foot pole that says "GOD HATES FAGS" on the end.

Do you think they're suddenly going to vote pro-LGBT after seeing eight miles of big-titted creatures in skin-tight spandex? No! These aren't the kind of people who should be representing our community: they should be in a hetero club in the Meatpacking District drinking $18 martinis. Another stereotype is confirmed, and there goes a prime opportunity to educate one of our enemies, though fifty years of reason haven't worked.

Really, people -- is that what we want?

Let's look at a constructive alternative: celebrating something without actually celebrating. For instance, when I lived with my mom, I threw a Fourth of July party that was absolutely amazing. Everybody was respectfully dressed, and we didn't play any music or drink alcohol or light fireworks. Everybody had an incredible time before they suddenly remembered they had to be somewhere else.

I guarantee you, if any Christians had dropped by, they'd have said, "Wow, are these people really homosexual? Because they're just like me! God will surely take them to his bosom and say, 'Hey, my child, I will give you eternal life in heaven because your days on earth just sucked.'"

I'm an atheist so I don't believe in heaven, but I still see it as scoring major points when somebody who's seriously deluded thinks we're okay.

My main point, though, is this pride celebration was way premature. I personally think we won't have any reason to celebrate until we're equal, and we won't be truly equal until celebrations for gender, race, or sexual identity are completely unnecessary. Then, and only then, will I proudly stroll down Fifth Avenue. I won't have a sign and I won't high-five anyone but somehow I know people will see me and go, "Whoa, is that dude gay or what?"


Jim Hlavac said...

I have been to many gay pride parades -- and well, yes there are drag queens and speedo boys -- and they make up a small minority of the vast numbers. And while in Manhattan there are indeed more DQ/SB in places like Baton Rouge, where I've also attended Gay Pride events -- there are none.

But I look at it like this: Drag Queens are our clowns -- every parade has clowns, we have ours. Ours are special to us, because well, we clown in different ways. Meanwhile, the vast majority of people, as in 98% are not in drag.

Speedo Boys are our cheerleaders. Go to a heterosexual parade and the line of damsels in skimpy leotards might make you blush, if a little flesh is the cause. Every hetero parade has bimbos by the score. What do you think the Rockettes are doing at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, giving a manicure? So, we have Speedo Boys, because, truly, who wants to see pubescent girls in leotards? Not I.

Meanwhile, Mardi Gras and the Mummers, and the Rose Bowl and Thanksgiving Day parades are filled with clowns and skimpily dressed damsels for all the heteros to ogle. And we have our sort, drag queens and speedo boys.

I wouldn't worry about what any Christians will see -- for it would make no difference if we were all dressed in our Sunday finest -- we'd be accused of existing anyway.

RomanHans said...

Hey Jim! Thanks for stopping by. I totally agree: if we all wore suits to the Gay Pride Parades haters would complain about the lapels.