Friday, October 12, 2012

I'm vegetarian, and at least once a week somebody says to me, "Hey, I bet you're just dying for a good steak."

This mystifies me. I'm pretty sure they're bragging, because this seems to translate to, "I get to eat all sorts of cool stuff, and you're stuck with turnips and quinoa." But do they really think people with different lifestyles are actually practicing restraint?

Do they think classical music fans slap on "Last Train to Clarksville" when nobody's looking? Do they imagine the Amish shed a little tear around the time "Kicking It With The Kardashians" comes on? Do they picture Mother Teresa going to bed at night wishing her hot water bottle was Ryan Gosling's ass?

To the contrary. In my mind, there's nothing more disgusting than the smell of McDonalds. I like not having to pick bones out of my food. And steak? Call me crazy, but I'm pretty sure if you reached directly into a cow's ass and yanked it'd look exactly like this.


2 comments:

S said...

I was going to crack a joke about some guy offering you some salami at the deli, but it was too easy.

Anonymous said...

I'm a wussy carnivore. I like meat, but not when it's an identifiable hunk of carcass plopped down in front of me. Let's hear it for hamburger and chicken tenders! You know, "stuff" rather than some critter's leg or pancreas or whatever.

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