And Now, A Word From Our Sponsor

It's not easy being a hero. We can't all break records at the Olympics. We can't all wear badges and patrol the streets. But that doesn't mean we can't be heroes in our own special ways, like giving our kids food that's full of lard and chopped-up animal bits.

Sure, Mom, maybe you'll never feed an endangered bird from an eyedropper, but you can provide your family with inordinate amounts of the liquid that exudes from dead animal organs.

State Fair Corn Dogs have a sweet, delicious honey batter that's sure to lift everyone's spirits. Okay, maybe these tasty treats won't teach indigent children in foreign countries, but they'll teach your kids that in America you can call something a corn dog even if it contains more sugar than corn.

So rest assured, Mom. Heroes come in all shapes and sizes, and you can be a hero even if you can't get up out of your chair. Because maybe you'll never train service dogs for disabled veterans, but you can train your kids that food should be handheld, that two food groups out of five are good enough, and that your family's health and well-being are totally worth 70 seconds or less.