You probably noticed that when you walked in the building all of the appraisers just turned and stared. I think I can safely say we've ever seen anything like this on the Antiques Roadshow before. Usually people just bring valuable stuff.

How much did you pay for this? Really? At a garage sale? Well, next time you go to a garage sale, bring me along. Because I'd say, "Girlfriend, if you think this piece of crap is worth three dollars you are totally nuts."

This is a statue of Jesus playing hockey with two boys, dating back perhaps five or ten years. You've really hit the triple crown here, because already you've got hockey fans, religious people, and statue collectors who would look at this and say, "Holy God, this is one ugly piece of shit!"

There are no markings on the bottom, which is to be expected. Nobody signed The Faggiest Vampire either. I'm pretty sure this was made in the American South, because the artists in other regions know you don't have eight joints in each arm.

If this were at one of the major auction houses, I think the director would look at it and say, "Really? Do you really think we sell trash like this?"

Of course, if it went to auction and there were two collectors with deep pockets, one of them would probably say to the other, "Ohmigod, this place is hawking so much crap today. What do you say we cut our losses and go to lunch instead?" And the other would say, "Le Cote Basque?" And the first would say, "Ooh, that sounds delightful! I just loooove their cardamon souffle."

Last, if this were in a retail shop, I think you'd be very wise to say, "What the fuck is this doing in a retail shop?"

Anyway, thanks for bring it in. The sweater my grandma sent me for Christmas doesn't look so bad now.