Thank you, Alleged Olivia Munn. Now I'm not only incompetent at sex but I'm incompetent at sexting too. This chick actually takes saucy photos of herself, lines them up in a sexy sequence, photographs that and then writes and types on top of the whole thing in pink marker and lower-case font. Apparently she fires up Adobe Illustrator when she wants to send a dirty note to a dude. Me, I can't even be bothered to get an erection and take a photo of it: I just Google for naked photos of Wilfrid Brimley and forward those to my dream date with a line like, "Hey, you wanna see this up close?"
So, I comfort myself with the thought that this sext probably wasn't composed by the real Olivia Munn. I mean, if a genuine working actress wanted to announce that she was saving her ladybits "just for you," it wouldn't have better art direction than Every Day With Rachael Ray. It's so weak, too: my last boyfriend liked to wear diapers and he used capital letters and 24-point Courier. If his dick had ever looked "raw," I wouldn't have considered intercourse.
We'd have done the Camera Game: he stands a safe distance away from me, and I point and shoot.
No comments:
Post a Comment