"Goddammit!" barks Manhattan Messenger publisher Charles Magruder. "You headline a Frankie Valle interview 'Wop Like A Man' and all of a sudden everybody in the world is mad at you."

"One needs to be particularly sensitive in this era of social media," declares Irene Martin, his PR consultant. "But don't you worry: I'll write up an apology."

"No need," replies Mr. Magruder. "I found the apology Tracy Morgan gave after he said he wanted to stab gay kids. I'll just replace 'Italian' for 'gay.'"

"What?" snaps Ms. Martin. "Are you fuckin' goofy? Apologies for being anti-gay are nothing like real apologies. You'll get your ass handed to you on a platter."

Ms. Martin is right. Can you tell which of the quotes below come from public apologies for anti-gay comments, and which apologize for offending important minority groups?

1. "I'm truly sorry."

2. "I can certainly understand how someone could come to a different conclusion than the one I meant."

3. "Earlier today ... I made an offensive comment.... It was regrettable and I should not have said it."

4. "I am aware that some people have said they were offended...."

5. "I humbly apologize and ask for your forgiveness of my unwise behavior."

6. "All a very big misunderstanding!"

7. "We are truly sorry...."

8. "I didn’t mean it that way...."

9. "There's no defense for the indefensible. All we can offer are our apologies, sincere though incalculably inadequate."



ANSWERS:
1, 3, 5, 7 and 9 are apologies for racism. 2, 4, 6 and 8 are apologies for homophobia.

1. Fox Sports columnist Jason Whitlock apologizing for his tweet that, due to Jeremy Lin's enthusiasm, "Some lucky lady in NYC is gonna feel a couple inches of pain tonight."

2. Roland Martin of CNN apologizing for telling fans to "smack the ish" out of gays.

3. Bob Griese after saying a Colombian NASCAR driver fell behind because he was "out having a taco."

4. Houston politician Manuel Rodriguez apologizing for a flyer in which he lists reasons not to vote for his opponent that include "advocating for gay rights" and living "54 years with no children."

5. California politician Marilyn Davenport's apology for labeling a photo of apes the "Obama family photo."

6. Cee Lo Green apologizing for assuming a critic was gay and therefore offended by masculinity.

7. Papa Johns apologizing for a receipt describing a customer as "lady chinky eyes."

8. Kobe Bryant apologizing for calling a referee "faggot."

9. ESPN apologizing for a Jeremy Lin "chink in the armor" headline.