Do You, Slut Hound, Take Thee, Liar, to Be Thy Lawfully Wedded Wife?

If there's one thing I hate it's a liar, and that's exactly what this Vitter person is. I don't mean the senator who lectured us on the sanctity of marriage while visiting prostitutes in his spare time: I mean his wife Wendy.

Wendy Vitter told the Times-Picayune: "I'm a lot more like Lorena Bobbitt than Hillary [Clinton]. If he [cheats on me], I'm walking away with one thing, and it's not alimony, trust me."

So, uh, girlfriend, enquiring minds need to know: what's the holdup? From what I hear, Mr. Vitter is still penised. Are you a coward? A hypocrite? Or are you really just like Hillary, the alleged embodiment of all evil, but also a liar to boot?

Maybe you just need a nudge in the right direction:

KNIVES THAT NEVER, EVER NEED SHARPENING.

Whatever you do, girlfriend, don't fall for that apology crap. The man's just sorry he got caught. He'll really be sorry when he's walking around Washington with his hands between his legs screaming "OW OW OW!" with every step.