Why We Nag.

Relationships get easier as you get older. At the beginning everybody expects perfection, which means it’s nag, nag, nag. “Did you pick up my clothes at the dry cleaners?” “Did you drop off the mail at the post office?” Did you stop and get butter at the store?”

Of course, you’ve gotta defend yourself. “You never told me to pick up nothing.” “You never told me to drop off nothing.” “You never told me to buy nothing.”

And then the arguing starts: “Of course I told you! We were sitting on the couch watching TV, and I said this, and you said that, and blah blah blah.”

Then, about ten years into the relationship, it hit me: I didn’t need to defend anything. I was old and married and stupid, and it was about time I used that to my advantage. “Okay, maybe you told me,” I said. “Maybe I forgot. What, you think I’m some kind of genius? I’ve got to look down to make sure I’m wearing pants.”

There’s plenty of ready excuses when you’re older -- plus you’ve got a history together, so now you don’t have to care. Early on you pay close attention, because you know there’s going to be a quiz. They’ll have a birthday or expect some kind of thoughtful gift somewhere down the line. Every time they pick up a catalog you grab a pencil and paper, ready to take notes about anything they like.

After eight or ten years, it doesn’t matter so much. They flip through a catalog and their eyes grow wide. “Oooh,” they exclaim. “I like that!”

“Yeah,” you reply, sick of their voice. “You like all kinds of stuff.”