CORRECTION
Yesterday we wrote here that the president spent the day playing golf. We have subsequently learned that this isn’t true. In fact, President Trump went to a golf course with golf clubs and three rich white Republican men he ordinarily plays golf with, but on arrival he probably had a conversation like this:

RESPONSIBLE PERSON: “I’m sorry, sir, but we canceled your game today. Rioting at the American Embassy in Iraq has resulted in one death and dozens of injuries. It's almost exactly like Benghazi, which prompted over thirty Republican investigations of Democratic leadership, with Republicans ultimately holding Hillary Clinton responsible after questioning her eighteen times."

PRESIDENT TRUMP: "Oh MAN! OH MAN! OH MAN OH MAN OH MAN! THAT REALLY SUCKS! I want to play golf! I HAVE to play golf! I was just getting really good! If I take a day off now, I'm probably going to be lousy tomorrow!"

PRESIDENT TRUMP (cont'd): "And how am I supposed to be a good president if I can't golf every day? How am I supposed to be a good husband? 'Melania, you look like a cheap tart, not America's First Lady.' 'You stupid orange butthole, how the hell can you say that to me? That's it: I'm leaving you and the kids and that goddamn Einstein visa you bought for me and going back to where I belong, being passed around like cheese dip between Romanian billionaires.' 'Aw, I'm sorry, sweetie. I'm just tense because they wouldn't let me play golf today.' SEE? You want to be responsible for THAT? I'M PLAYING GOLF! I'M PLAYING GOLF! I'M PLAYING GOLF!"

RESPONSIBLE PERSON: “Sir, CNN and MSNBC are on the course with cameras."

PRESIDENT TRUMP: [PAUSE] "As president I now command that we return to the White House so I can deal with this important issue at this delicate time."

We apologize for the error.