A German driver's license is fiendishly difficult to get. People study for years and still fail to pass the tests. Having to use the English translation of the official government app renders it nearly impossible, as you can see from my difficulty here. See if you agree with the correct answers (the checkmarks on the left) or my "incorrect" choices (on the right).

"Be aware ... that you only detect oncoming vehicles after it is too late." It's a real danger! I didn't even notice that giant white splash of headlights pointed straight at us.

Never assume a bus will pull away from a bus stop! This is Germany, so there's paperwork to fill out first.

This makes sense. If you see a blind guy, don't toot your horn. He's got to learn about electric cars somehow.

I'm not sure why, after a long drive, I'm too close to the vehicle in front. Do Germans usually have snacks or a bathroom?

I don't know why I got this wrong, since it seems straightforward. When you see this sign and then notice cars careening towards you, you should be, like, "No, you go first."

Got it: don't use the merging procedure when merging. Just randomly, out of the blue, have you guys ever won a war?

I don't know why I got the last one wrong. In Germany everybody's like "Fuck my rear-view mirrors."

This makes perfect sense. Feel free to drive in the bike lane BUT NOT IF YOU'RE TRYING TO PARK.

How do I determine my car's maximum speed? Accelerate until it disintegrates and then subtract two?

Quick question about option #1. Aren't I the traffic turning left?

Just slide right into him and he'll get the hint.

Those special bus lanes? They ain't that special.

If the cyclist stays parked there for over an hour, can I leave my car to get snacks?

Once you're across the road, though, fuck those weather conditions.

Because in Germany trucks are like sharks: if they stop they will die.

Don't drive to the right to let people pass! That's admitting you are weak. Instead, drive slowly in the goddamn center of the road while repeating, "I AM somebody."

Also when you're on a two-lane road and there aren't any vehicles within miles, be aware that botulism kills 18 people per year.

So, drive faster than you can see, and remember there's no stopping! If your car catches fire, put on oven mitts and push it towards the next exit.

"The rear parcel shelf"? Is this a Mercedes or a UPS truck? Do we have to make things look like parcels if we want to leave them on the rear parcel shelf? Can we put a sweater on it if we wrap it in brown paper and tie in with string?

Fuck those taxi drivers.

Got that? Don't bother your mechanic, just hit the road with fingers crossed.

This makes a little more sense in English: "When you start your car, keep your foot on the brake."

A cul-de-sac! Not a road closed to traffic. Got it! My mistake.

Those "special areas" in #1? They ain't that special.

Okay, I will definitely not overtake the moped before the rail crossing.

Quick question: If I ask, "What rail crossing?" can I get a driver's license anyway?

I don't know why I got this wrong. I just assumed the right answer for "What is a towed load?" wouldn't be, "You know, it's that load you're towing."

Fuck the flowing traffic on the road.

I heard Einstein once took this test, and after he read this question he threw himself off a bridge.

If I promise not to say anything bad about currywurst can I go back to America now?