Wednesday, March 12, 2014

"There's nothing about gays in [Arizona SB 1062], but the gay community decided to make this their measure. And the thing that I think is getting a little tiresome is the gay community have so bullied the American people and they have so intimidated politicians that politicians fear them and they think they get to dictate the agenda everywhere. Well, not with the Constitution you don't." -- Michelle Bachmann

I completely agree with Ms. Bachmann, though the liberal media has ignored her insightful comment. I challenge them to double-check the bill that would have protected our religious freedoms by allowing businesses to pick and choose who they serve based on religious beliefs. Is the word "Gay" in there? No. "Lesbian"? No. So why were the gays in such an uproar?

The simple truth is the bill doesn't randomly attack homosexuals: it doubles-down on every group that God has singled out in any religious tract. Those self-centered, bullying gays hijacked a bill that would have had a thousand victims. But noooo, every time you think up a new way to discriminate they all start squealing, "Me! Me! Me!" Everything has to be about them, and not just when they're buying sweaters.

Here's a Bible quote that shows Arizona SB 1062 would have reached far outside the LGBT community.

And an angel descended in a golden light before Abraham, and in his joyousness he proclaimed, "O great follower of God, prithee never sell futons to little people."
Got that? Another target of SB 1062, but I don't see dwarves harassing their Congresspeople over their Constitutional right to buy uncomfortable Japanese furniture. Then there's this quote from Matthew:

Zebediah, the itinerant shepherd, beheld a burning bush from which poured forth a solemn voice intoning, "You know what is also an abomination to me? Chicks who wear Uggs in the summer."
God verbally smote even more people in the New Testament:

Moses came down from the mountain bearing two stone tablets, and he held them up for the Israelites to see. The first was inscribed, "Thou shalt not kill" and "Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord in vain." The second just read, "And by all that is sacred, please keep doughnuts away from fatties."
Okay, I could be wrong. Maybe gays are the only minority group singled out in the Bible. But that doesn't mean Ms. Bachmann is playing semantics with a law that creates a category that covers only them. Maybe that's the way she thinks! I mean, imagine this scenario. You and Michelle Bachmann are at the county fair, and eight hours of eating cotton candy and deep-fried pickles has gotten you both feeling rowdy.

MICHELLE: I'd like to ride in a circle on a wooden animal that goes up and down while organ music plays!

YOU [burping up corndog]: Oh, yes! A carousel sounds like fun!

MICHELLE: I never once used the word "carousel," and frankly your bizarre inclination to jump to such a strange conclusion frightens me. I'm calling the police right now so there can be a formal investigation of your carousel-related desires.

Whatever the truth is, the bullying gays won by unfairly smearing this bill, and we poor Christians lost. It's a hard loss, I have to admit. I mean, the Bible tells us that homosexuals will be burned alive for all of eternity, but since that's not going to happen until Jesus returns I'd at least like to keep them away from my pineapple nut muffins.

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