Welcome to Air Bagan. We know you'll enjoy flying with us. We are very grateful that you chose us for your flight within Myanmar, since you have many options. However, we understand that we're world-renowned for our service, plus not everybody likes mules.

We know you've gone through a lot to fly with us since we aren't on the internet and don't accept credit cards or most recognized forms of currency. We know it was difficult waking up at four in the morning to call us during business hours, finding someone with a fax machine to get our route information, and asking Western Union if it really is possible to wire someone forty-six dollars worth of marmoset skins.

We're sure you find it worth your trouble. For instance, you'll notice on Air Bagan we don't tell you to switch off your electrical appliances during takeoff. This is because on Air Bagan there is virtually nothing in the cockpit that's electronic. Keep on texting your sister, or Skyping grandma. On ordinary airlines, your electrical appliances interfere with the navigation systems, so you'll have to pause your Angry Mario Birds or Super Tetris Q*bert. This is not a problem on Air Bagan. Whip out that hair dryer, paper shredder, or weed whacker and know it will have absolutely no effect on the levers and pulleys in our cockpit.

Plus, since our planes are just two seats across, everyone gets a window seat. You can see Myanmar's greatest attractions from the air. Look out the left side right now: see that woman leading the oxcart? She can eat more than eighteen men. There are many benefits to flying at 200 feet, though the turbulence makes our passengers scream so much you'd think they were fighting Jackie Chan.

On Air Bagan, you don't have to worry about unseen problems bringing your plane down. Air Bagan planes use propellers instead of jet engines, so you'll know even before the pilot when you're going to be killed. You don't have to be a mechanic analyzing every bump and squeak to detect a mechanical problem: no, a quick glance out the window will tell you if the plane is doing okay or not. Are the propellers spinning? Everything's cool. Has one of them stopped? Kind of a problem. Has one of them broken loose from its mooring and whirled to earth, where it's slicing a herd of cows into sausage? Kind of a major problem.

Yet there is no extra charge for this service.

Since this flight will take fourteen hours, we'll just be serving a small snack. In many parts of the world, airline food is restaurant quality, but we are happy to tell you our food is better than most Burmese restaurants. In fact, the quality approaches that of American vending machines. But don't thank us: we're happy to serve you, and with all the mechanical problems we've been having lately, the corn dogs pretty much make themselves.