People with luggage on wheels strike me as really sad. See, regular handheld luggage doesn't look like it weighs too much, because the average human being can lift it. But wheelie luggage is too heavy to lift. I always wonder why. I begin to wonder if it's jammed with everything the person owns. While somebody with regular luggage is probably toting around three t-shirts, four pairs of socks and a toothbrush, the guy with wheelie luggage also has the ashes of his dead parakeet, a machine that will run forever without batteries or electricity, and an old tin can that's hardly rusted at all. He actually wasn't planning on going anywhere: he got home after a weekend of drinking to find all of his belongings spread out on the front lawn.

The guy with wheelie luggage looks like after he walks through the hotel's revolving door, he's just going to follow the railroad tracks for a while. Once he's out of sight, he'll squint up at the sun, mop his brow, and quietly mutter, "What direction are you going to take me today, old brown shoes?"