Hi. My name is Thrillist, Bob Thrillist. I was passing by and I heard your party. Please please please let me in. I'm amazing. Everybody loves me. It's incredible just how much fun I am.

Tell you what: If you let me into your party, I'll enter you in a contest where you can win an iPad.

Oh, great. Thanks. Whoa! There be some sweet bitches in here! I'll have these drunk sluts banging' and begging for this playah's pole like a mothafuckin' --

What? I'm sorry, you didn't win the iPad. Okay. Just click here and I'll go.

Hang on. First, let's make sure you know what you know what you're doing. You really want me to go?

Oh. Okay. Well, just to be on the safe side, let's verify you are who you say you are. What's your home address? What's your name? What's the first dog you ever had?

I'm sorry, that's wrong. I'm guessing you're an impostor who's trying to get me to leave this party probably just out of spite. What, you forgot the name of your first dog? Click here and I'll email you the name.

Yo, that sweet lil' slut got titties on her that'd make a --

Wow. You sure got that email fast. Okay, okay. Here are a bunch of boxes, some of which are checked and some of which are unchecked. If you want me to show up somewhere, check an unchecked box, and if you want me to leave somewhere, uncheck a checked box.

Okay. Got that. Of course, it could take eight to ten days to process your request.

Good morning. Yes, I've been here for five weeks now. Why am I still here? Let's see: oh, it appears you said you wanted me to leave "Your party" but you didn't say you wanted me to leave "Your house."

Pass the oj and a waffle. Whoa! Look at this mothafuckin' slut on the cover of the Times.