On the subway, a guy was holding a big, rather tacky floral arrangement and two mylar balloons. On one balloon it said, "Congrats!" and on the other it said, "Get well soon!"

And I thought, huh? Isn't it one or the other? Can achievements and illness actually travel hand-in-hand?

I thought about it for awhile, and I think I finally figured it out: somebody got gonorrhea from George Clooney.